So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
