Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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