He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
