I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
