your parents love me but you hate me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
