She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
