You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
