You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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