I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
