I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
