Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize