Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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