he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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