i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
