Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
