The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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