i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
