Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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