I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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