In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
