I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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