i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
