she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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