So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
