Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
