fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
