she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
