Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
