WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
