you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
