im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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