Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
