wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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