have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
