I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
