Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
