4 words: hood of his car
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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