Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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