plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
