i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
