Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
