I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
