Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
