life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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