Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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