You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
