Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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