TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
