Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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