So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
