I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
