I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Randomize
