after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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