i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
