I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
