I'm going to jail i love you
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
