i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
These tits shall not be calmed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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