when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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