I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
