I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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