Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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