so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
