Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize
