There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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