The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
