Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
