if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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