u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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