Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
