Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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