So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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