Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
