***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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