Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize