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Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
