did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
