I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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