im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
