the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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