i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
