he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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