Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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