i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
