Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
