can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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