my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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